she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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