I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
