you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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