Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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