My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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