I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize