Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
