so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
