tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
