i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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