Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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