So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
