I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
