Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it's like iHOP with fire
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
