You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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