What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
