Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
