Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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