I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
