Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
