omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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