If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
