so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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