that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
