A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
