I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she peed on how many people?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
