She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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