that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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