he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
