I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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