What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
