oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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