I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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