You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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