you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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