8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
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TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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