you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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