my mouth tastes like poor choices
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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