just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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