He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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