i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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