when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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