go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
