..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
