once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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