can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
