Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
