I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
