i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
