Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
