We named our party play list daddy issues
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
