I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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