Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
