He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
