The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
