I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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