Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.

Fav 7 1058 4141
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(309): View more from Illinois

Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door

Fav 8 1529 3584
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(913): View more from Kansas

You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.

Fav 9 4804 1586
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(706): View more from Georgia

It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa

Fav 7 2479 1474
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.

Fav 45 2014 5779
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(810): View more from Michigan

Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.

Fav 8 2133 965
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(440): View more from Ohio

Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.

Fav 6 838 534
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(778): View more from British Columbia

Sorry for trying to baptize you last night

(1-778): View more from British Columbia

You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed

Fav 1 561 190
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(519): View more from Ontario

I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.

Fav 0 65 6
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