You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
