John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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