Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My cat gives me a boner
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
