Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
