no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
