You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
