You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
