you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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