I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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