My room smells like vodka and shame
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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