Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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