Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
