Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
