do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
