oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
