i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
